A separation is always an ordeal for the people involved in the couple. It is an event that is experienced differently by each person. While one partner may want to distance themselves, the separation may be more difficult for the other to accept. Sometimes, this can lead to a form of harassment, disguised by gestures of love and small attentions that may seem harmless at first glance.
The psychologists at Clinique GO, who offer online consultation in psychology services, wanted to address this problematic situation. This form of harassment is indeed quite common in couples following a break-up.
Two ways of experiencing separation
It is possible for a relationship to end by mutual agreement between the two members of the couple. It is then easier to end it in a healthy way and to distance oneself from the other. However, the situation is different when the break-up is announced by surprise by one of the partners. In this case, the other person may “fall out of the blue” and have difficulty accepting the decision.
It is important to know that in 70% of separation cases in Quebec, the breakup comes from the woman. Before arriving at this stage and this decision, there is a period of time where she asks herself if she wants to break up the couple and put an end to the relationship as well as to everything that comes with it. She may express to her partner a desire for change, but this is not always the case. In many cases of separation or divorce, there is a lack of communication between the two parties, which leads to the build-up of tension and the development of a toxic climate.
In short, when the possibility of a break-up has been contemplated for a period of time, one can better prepare for this eventuality. This is not the case when we are announced, with surprise, a rupture…
Keeping an eye out for hidden harassment
When the breakup is difficult to accept by one of the partners, it is possible that this one makes small gestures or makes small attentions to the other. For example, he or she might bring a coffee to the workplace, offer to help with an errand or offer to shovel the snow after every storm.
On the surface, these gestures may seem like empathy, proof of love or an expression of desire to change. In reality, it is often harassment in disguise. The partner wants to maintain contact or keep an eye on the other person. It is a way of controlling, and therefore a form of violence, even if these actions are not explicitly violent. It is nevertheless important to learn to recognize and identify them.
Consult a psychologist
To deal with this type of situation, the support of a psychologist can be very useful. Without representing a long-term commitment, a single consultation or a few consultations can help the person to put words to the situation that is being experienced and to identify the insidious signs of harassment. The psychologist can also counsel the client to help him or her separate for good and cut ties with the insistent former partner. The psychologist can also equip his client in case the violence takes a more explicit form, notably by directing him to the appropriate resources.
No matter what difficult situation you are experiencing, the team of psychologists at Clinique GO™ is always at your service to offer you the right support.
Approuvé par Francis Desjardins
