With few exceptions, we all want to be cool parents to our children. We generally prefer not to be perceived as a strict parent who subjects our children to a host of rules. Nevertheless, it is part of parenting to know how to impose rules on your children, to provide them with a defined framework in which to grow and learn to be good people.
So, in what follows, we discuss parenting and the importance of setting limits for your children. Of course, this includes setting rules that must be followed and, in the case of disobedience, consequences that are appropriate for each situation.
Discipline is essential!
Let’s start by mentioning that we do not encourage any parent to subject their child to physical punishment or to give them consequences that are out of proportion. We do not encourage you to create a climate of fear with your children, far from it! However, disciplining and disciplining children is very important.
As parents, it is our responsibility to allow our children to become well-rounded adults. These adults will know how to function in society and contribute positively to their community. To do this, as they grow up, children need a clear and unambiguous framework, i.e. rules. They need to know what they are allowed to do and say, and what is off limits. As a parent, you need to show them that you are in charge and that you dictate what behaviors are appropriate and what are not!
While it may seem abusive when written in black and white, it has been proven that children who grow up with clearer and stricter rules generally feel safer. When they feel safe, children know that their daily well-being is being taken care of, which helps them grow up.
“I don’t impose rules on my child, I want them to be independent.”
Perhaps you’ve heard another parent say this phrase before? Perhaps it has made you feel guilty and wonder if you are being too strict with your children?
Generally speaking, allowing a child to behave as he or she wishes, without clear rules, is tantamount to creating an environment of confusion. For some children, this can even be the source of anxiety… Children with little or no discipline often tend to explore different behaviors, i.e. they experiment with the authority figures around them. This is their way of learning about their limits, but it goes without saying that it can lead them to dangerous or even illegal behaviors…
How do I set rules for my children?
One word to guide you: CONSISTENCY! You need to set clear rules for your children and make sure you stick to them. For example, you can’t pretend nothing happened when your child gets a bad grade on a test and then reprimand him/her for a similar reason in the future. Make sure your child’s disciplinary framework is defined and easy for him/her to understand.
It is important to tailor your requirements to your child’s age and past experiences. You cannot assume that your child will know how to behave in a particular situation if he or she has never been confronted with it, or if you have never discussed it…
However, here are some things you can do to establish clear rules with your children:
- Bedtime;
- Time limits for certain activities, such as video games;
- Behavior and words that are not allowed at home and at school;
- A clear reward system; the child knows what to expect if he/she behaves well, gets good grades, etc. ;
- On the other hand, a punishment system or consequences adapted to each situation, when the child exceeds your limits or breaks the rules.
Finally, it is important to be consistent in terms of the number of warnings you give your child, before too many warnings result in a specific consequence.
Finally, it is clear that children benefit from a supervised environment with their parents. If you are having trouble disciplining your children or setting rules for them to follow, you may want to consider the advice of a social worker. These professionals are skilled at intervening in a variety of social situations, some of them more difficult, to help everyone thrive. Social workers are qualified to help you keep your balance as parents, and of course, within your family!
Approuvé par Francis Desjardins
