Domestic violence is a reality that too many people have to deal with, especially women. According to data published by the INSPQ, in 2015, 19,142 cases of offences against the person occurred in the context of domestic violence. Of these cases, 78% of the victims were women.
Our psychologists, faced with this major problem that has been much talked about in the past year, wanted to prepare an article to address domestic violence, including the types of violence, as well as the cycle of domestic violence. We will also discuss the main steps to get out of a relationship with a violent person.
The different forms of violence and their impacts
When we think of domestic violence, we first think of physical violence: shoving, pushing, hitting… This is the type of violence that can leave marks. However, domestic violence can take many forms. For example, verbal violence (shouting, insulting, humiliating, manipulating, etc.) or psychological violence (denigrating, controlling, isolating, making threats, etc.). Abuse can also be sexual or economic, for example when the partner seeks to control spending or make the other person financially dependent.
Although emotional abuse and other types of abuse do not leave such visible marks or signs, they can cause significant discomfort. Serious psychological consequences can occur, such as anxiety and mental health problems, loss of confidence and self-esteem, isolation from others, etc. In more serious cases, domestic violence can lead to suicidal thoughts.
Recognizing the cycle of domestic violence
The cycle of violence is used to illustrate the different stages that lead to episodes of violence and those that follow. It is important to understand the cyclical nature of these stages, as they are bound to repeat themselves.
- Tense environment: the partner is overly violent, which can manifest itself in many ways. The partner is aware of this and is usually concerned.
- Violent episode: the violence explodes, there is a confrontation. Often, it is following an action of the woman which displeased her partner. The woman then feels alone, sad and humiliated.
- Justification and disempowerment: the woman tries to justify her partner’s actions. He seeks excuses and explanations, which gives the woman hope that he can change.
- Honeymoon: The man asks his partner for forgiveness. Because of his partner’s kind words and “efforts”, the woman gives him a chance.
It is important to note that over time, episodes of exploding violence tend to escalate and/or become more frequent. The physical and psychological consequences can become even more severe… They can even lead to serious injury or death.
Steps to breaking the cycle of domestic violence
These major steps should guide victims of domestic violence in breaking the cycle and leaving the violent relationship. A psychologist can provide valuable support at each of these stages and represent an external aid to go through each of them at a pace that suits the victim and with adequate resources.
- Identify the violence suffered: becoming aware of the cycle of violence and the possible forms of violence is the first step in being able to identify the violence of which one is a victim, in order to be able to put words to what one is experiencing. Often, victims live in a climate of confusion, they think that they are somehow responsible for the violence they suffer, because the words and actions of the violent partner lead them to believe this. Becoming aware of the violence they are experiencing and identifying its impact on their physical or psychological health is the first step in taking the necessary actions to break the cycle of domestic violence.
- Talk about it: Whether it’s to a therapist or to someone close to you who represents a link of trust, you must talk about the violence you are experiencing at all costs to avoid being completely isolated. It is important to talk about the situation to get an outside perspective and to take a step back from the situation in order to sort out your feelings. It is important to remember that there are people who are willing to support us, without judgment, and to guide us in the process of getting rid of the violent relationship.
- Act to break the cycle: once the violence has been identified, the necessary actions must be taken to get out of the relationship. A psychologist will be able to direct the client to the right resources. In fact, many external resources exist to help victims of domestic violence.
- Reconstruction: Even after leaving a violent relationship, you may still have to live with the after-effects, especially on a psychological level. Here again, a psychologist can be very helpful in detaching oneself from the ideas that the violence, experienced over a long period of time, may have ingrained in us.
Finally, we should mention that a partner’s violent behaviour is never a proof of love or of an overly intense passion. Rather, it is a manifestation of the control that the partner wants to exert over his or her spouse.
The Clinique GO team, with its extensive mental health expertise, can offer concrete support to victims of domestic violence, whether or not they have begun the process of leaving the relationship. Our psychologists offer online or in-home consultations. Whatever your needs, consult them.
Approuvé par Francis Desjardins
