Repeated nightmares, anxiety, overprotective parenting… There are many reasons why parents and their child may want to sleep together. It is even considered that “cododo”, or sleeping in the same room, would be beneficial in the first weeks or months of a baby’s life, to make him/her feel secure and to encourage breastfeeding. However, this habit can quickly become entrenched and last until the child is no longer a toddler, reaches preschool age or even beyond.
Our psychologists wanted to prepare this article, as they often meet parents who wonder if sleeping with their child is a bad habit, or when they want to stop it.
A good solution… in the short term
It is common for toddlers and children, at a young age, to be afraid of falling asleep alone in their room. These fears can sometimes lead to tantrums that, let’s face it, can seriously disrupt the sleep of the entire household, especially when they are frequent. Bouncing the child in the marital bed seems like a good solution in the middle of the night, when you’re half asleep and want to fall back into the arms of Morpheus quickly.
Although this may be a beneficial short-term solution to stop the crises, one must be careful about how the situation may turn out in the medium or long term. It should not interfere with the child’s ability to fall asleep on his own. This is an aspect that may seem insignificant, but it is very important for the general autonomy of a child.
A threat to the intimacy of the couple or the parent
When “co-sleeping” takes hold in the marital bed and it becomes difficult to get the child to sleep in his or her own room, it can become problematic for the couple’s life and intimacy.
First of all, it is quite common that the desire to have the child sleep in the marital bed is stronger in one of the two members of the couple. The other may then feel suppressed or not taken into consideration, which can cause tension. It is as if we were creating a problem in the couple by wanting to solve the problem related to the child’s sleep. Second, for obvious reasons, the presence of the child inevitably interferes with intimacy. Parenthood should not replace the role of the couple and intimacy and sexual relations, which are important for the health of the couple, must be preserved at all costs.
Ask yourself: why do I allow my child to sleep in my bed?
Our psychologists always advise parents to ask themselves this question, with a clear head. There may be several reasons behind this habit, so it is important to find the one that concerns our family situation. It can come from the child (nightmares, separation anxiety, anxiety related to a move, separation, etc.), but in some cases, this need comes from the parent (single parent who does not want to sleep alone, overprotective parent, etc.).
Furthermore, it is relevant to question the message we send to our child when we allow him to sleep with us. Without meaning to, we could be confirming our child’s fears, i.e., allowing him to sleep with us is the equivalent of telling him that he is right to be afraid.
The psychologist: helping parents deal with this problem
If you are faced with a problematic situation of cododo, a psychological consultation can be very relevant. First of all, the therapist can help you identify the underlying cause of this habit. In addition, personalized advice and techniques can be offered to remedy the situation in a gradual and healthy way. Ultimately, the psychologist’s advice should allow the child to sleep alone in his or her own bed and to find his or her own autonomy in sleeping, while preserving intimacy within the couple.
Approuvé par Francis Desjardins
