Knowing how to set boundaries with others is not always easy, especially with people who are dear to you and important to you. Nevertheless, it is an essential concept to preserve one’s own well-being and mental health. It can be more difficult to put it into practice, especially for young adults.
If you are concerned about the importance of setting your own limits and would like to find tips on how to better apply this important concept in your life, read on.
The Importance of Saying No
To know how to say no to others is to know how to impose limits that are necessary for our self-esteem. When we know how to impose our own limits in relation to the behaviours of others, it is generally a sign that we do not base the value we have of ourselves on the feelings that others have about us.
Unfortunately, when we do not know how to impose our own limits, we will, sometimes unconsciously, draw on our personal resources, but this time to please someone else. This can, in the medium or long term, lead to real stress or a form of exhaustion. Indeed, when we use the resources (time, money, emotional resources) we have for others, it leaves us less for our own needs.
Knowing how to say no is a skill that can be learned and that may require some practice. This applies particularly to young adults. They often have less personal experience, or they may be less aware of their own limitations. In addition, young adults often tend to want to please their friends and family as much as possible.
Knowing how to set our own limits is important in many aspects of our lives, whether it be personal, professional or social.
How to set boundaries in a healthy way?
The following tips can be put into practice by anyone who wants to learn this important concept: to know how to respect ourselves and tell others when they exceed our limits.
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Introspection
This is the first step to take. Indeed, it is necessary to know our own limits to know how to recognize the behaviors or demands of others that exceed them. To do this, we can base ourselves on past experiences that caused us to have negative feelings because we have exceeded our limits. In addition, it should be noted that the limits we impose are not necessarily the same with everyone we come into contact with. In fact, it is normal to have stricter limits with a co-worker than with an old friend.
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Focus on your own feeling
When we exceed our own emotional limits, our bodies can react with real physical discomfort. Stomach ache, nausea, sudden headaches… It is good to know how to recognize these discomforts and the elements that caused them, to then better identify the limits we have.
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Asserting yourself
Once we have better identified our own limits, we must know how to put them into practice in our daily lives. To do so, it is important to be direct and to express your dissatisfaction when someone exceeds them. This may take some practice, but it is important to start with “lighter” statements and then move on to the more serious elements. For example, it is easier to start by informing a colleague that they are asking you a question that you consider inappropriate, rather than confronting their life partner about behaviour that is bothering us.
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Recognize that you can’t please everyone
Alas, we can never please everyone. Remember that the person who is the most important and who must please you first is yourself! Start by accepting that others may have negative emotions as a result of your refusal. Recognize their right to have their emotions, but don’t give in to them. Moreover, it is useless to fall into a negative spiral by anticipating the reactions of others. Most of the time, the scenarios we make up in our head never happen.
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Knowing how to end a toxic relationship
When you have set your limits with someone, you have done your “homework” to ensure that your relationship remains healthy. If a person knows your limits, but does not recognize them and does not adjust their behavior, you have the right to end the relationship. This is important to protect yourself from the consequences of this toxic relationship: stress, exhaustion, depression…
The support of a professional to learn how to set boundaries
In conclusion, it is important to note that it may be appropriate to consult a professional when the time comes to recognize one’s own limits, but also to assume these limits in one’s relationships with others. A psychologist can support his client in this kind of introspection work aimed at identifying his limits. A social worker can provide relevant tips that apply to different social situations, always with the goal of promoting healthy interpersonal relationships and the social development of his client.
Our consultations in psychology and social work are offered via online consultation.
Approuvé par Francis Desjardins
